A Discussion on the Greatest Names in Sports History

One of the highlights of my internship with the Lincoln Memorial University Athletics Department is the random conversations I have with my colleagues and administrators. One of those is Scott Erland, who is the Director of Sports Communications at LMU. During LMU athletics events, Scott and I often discuss (sometimes debate) countless topics in sports, whether its news, games, teams, players, story lines – you name it. In addition to our mutual Kobe-bashing, my mocking of Ryan Tannehill, and Scott’s occasional disdain for LeBron’s narrative control, one of our regular discussions revolves around the best names in sports. We decided to share our thoughts about what makes a great sports name, the different types of names and we give our personal top ten names of all time. Here’s our conversation:

Scott: I have a number of general thoughts before we really get started on this discussion. The name has to be somewhat recognizable. For instance, there might be some third-stringer for the Miami Dolphins that has a cool sounding name, but it shouldn’t be put in consideration if that person doesn’t resonate with the casual sports fan. That might be a bit unfair, but I don’t think you can just throw out a random athlete’s name for the way it sounds alone.

Nolan: I completely agree. You’ve got to be a great player first, then the name follows in terms of popularity.

Scott: I’ve often wondered if it’s possible to disconnect a name from the athlete and his or her achievements. Maybe any great athlete will have a “great” name by virtue of their accomplishments. For instance, I don’t know if Serena Williams is a particularly cool name by itself. But I think it deserves acknowledgement simply because it is synonymous with everything Serena has done for women’s tennis and women’s sports in general.

Nolan: Interesting, I hadn’t considered that – a player can be so great that they could turn an ordinary name into a great one. Serena is a prime example. Not to get ahead of ourselves, but this category is where I would place Tom Brady. His name is generic and dull as a name can be. The only reason his name would ever enter the conversation for one of the best sports names of all time is solely due to his on field success.

Scott: I think you’re probably exactly right that Tom Brady’s name fits in the category of “historically great player equals great name”. But I would also counter that no matter how great Blake Bortles would have been he still would have an awful name. I guess then the question becomes can a name be a harbinger of things to come? Because Blake Bortles and Blaine Gabbert just don’t sound like they could possibly belong to good players. Again, it might just be impossible to separate a name from the accomplishments, though.

Nolan: The player whose name is so bad that you know he won’t be good thing is one of my favorite draft bits. Coincidentally, Gabbert is a guy I specifically remember thinking “There’s no way that guy is gonna be good, his name is freakin’ Blaine Gabbert“. Some other recent guys in this mold for me were Paxton Lynch, Alex Len, Jan Vesely, Lauri Markkanen (although early returns suggest I was wrong there). On the other side, Dragan Bender’s name was always too good for him – he never stood a chance.

Scott: I really find it interesting to imagine how names can have an effect on the future of a person or athlete. Johnny Cash talked about that in his song, “A Boy Named Sue“. Obviously the song was intended to be funny but it also hints at something more serious. That stuff really can affect a person.

Part of me thinks that the person makes the name. So if they suck, the name sucks. If they are great, the name is great. But I also think names can seal fate in some ways, as fantastical as that sounds. One that comes to mind is Christian Laettner. He could only be a hate-able Dukie and nobody can convince me otherwise.

Nolan: It’s cliche, but the answer lies somewhere in the middle. Some names are lame and some are fantastic. Some are dragged down by the suckiness of the player, others are uplifted by the player’s greatness.

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Scott: As a rule of thumb, I’ve always thought that names that are either one syllable followed by two syllables or two syllables followed by one sound the coolest. That is probably based on my background studying literature, but I think that rhythmic, musical kind of sound innately reverberates with humans. Think Tiger Woods, LeBron James, Larry Bird, Tom Brady (I know you disagree with that one), Michael Phelps, Mia Hamm, etc.

Nolan: Those types of names definitely have a unique flow. One, off the top of my head, counter to that rule of thumb: Derek Jeter. There may be some Yankees-bias there, but hearing the crowds in Yankee Stadium chant “DER-EK JE-TER” feels surreal.

Scott: I don’t necessarily think that a great name has to fit into that mold. I just find it interesting that so many great names do have that rhythm. There are many counters to that, such as one of the greatest of all-time, Babe Ruth.

Second, and you brought this up with Derek Jeter, a historically great name has to be easily chanted by fans. That’s one of the reasons that Tiger Woods and LeBron and Kobe are all-time great names. Because they are awesome and fun to hear chanted by thousands of fans. So that should certainly be a qualifier for this conversation. Must be easy and fun to chant.

Nolan: I feel obligated to add at least one bowling name somewhere in this conversation, so I’ll throw in the ageless Norm Duke. The crowds yells “DUUUUUKE” as the balls roll down the lane. Listen to the crowd during most of his shots here.

Scott: I’m glad that you brought up Norm Duke for a couple of reasons. First, some of the underrepresented sports have some incredible names. Let me throw a few at you like billiards player Rudolf Wanderone (I looked that one up), ping pong players Ding Ming (also looked that one up) and poker champion Phil Hellmuth, which would be incredible no matter what he did.

Nolan: It’s unfortunate to hear that bowling has apparently descended to the ranks of billiards, ping pong and poker. I was hoping to at least hit the golf/NASCAR tier. However, Ding Ming is truly a spectacular name.

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Nolan: An interesting question I saw on Twitter the other day: what are the best two-name players ever? The example I read was Karl Malone because he’s always referred to as “Karl Malone”, never Karl, nor Malone independently.

Scott: In terms of the two-name players, that’s a great question. It would have to be a football players, though, right? It seems like there are hardly any single-named football players. Joe Montana would fit nicely into that as would Walter Payton. I think Wayne Gretzky fits into the two-name qualifier as well. That’s a very interesting and difficult question to work through.

Nolan: That’s a fascinating point. Football players tend to fall into the two-name category, while basketball players are often known by a single name. I wonder if that’s just coincidence or if its something more – like the contrasting cultures of the athletes or perhaps the differences in the media’s coverage of the two sports.

Some notable current players that fit this category are Antonio Brown, Paul George, Chris Paul, and Ben Simmons. Maybe it’s a two-first name thing.

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Nolan: Alright, let’s get to the point here: what are the best sports names of all-time?

Scott: My leaders for the greatest sports names of all-time: Tiger Woods, Joe Montana, Muhammad Ali, LeBron James, Wayne Gretzky and Moses Malone. Again, most of those are athletes that have reached the pinnacle of their sport so maybe it is impossible to disassociate the name from the athlete themselves.

Nolan: I can’t disagree with anybody on your list – those names are iconic. I’ll throw in Giannis Antetokounmpo (yes, I still have to google the spelling), Dick Butkus, Yogi Berra, Shaquille O’Neal and Nolan Ryan (it is my name, after all).

Scott: I’m glad you brought up several of those first names. Giannis is one of the best current names in sports for two reasons. One, it’s impossible to spell off memory or pronounce properly without practicing 20-30 times, therefore it’s unique enough to stand the test of time. Two, he has a great name and a perfect nickname (the Greek Freak), which is a nearly impossible combo and would be a completely different conversation.

I’m also on board with Shaq and primarily Dick Butkus, which is probably the most versatile name in the history of sports because it’s equal parts intimidating and hilarious. It could have only belonged to a linebacker or potentially a competitive eater.

Nolan: Also, did you know God Shammgod was the guy’s actual name? I always thought that was like a Ron Artest to Metta World Peace type of thing, but his birth name is “God Shammgod”. What an incredible name that is.

Scott: I had no idea that was his original name. It’s just seems too absurd not to have been manufactured for publicity like World Be Free or Metta World Peace as you previously mentioned. (Side note: There’s a basketball player at Belmont Abbey named ThankGod Avar from Nigeria. That doesn’t quite qualify for our discussion since he isn’t famous but I love that name. If we allowed that, we both know Artie Santomo would make the list, too.)

There’s part of me that can understand wanting to change your name in this instance, though I don’t agree with it. I think it would be a burden to have a name like that in some ways. It places a certain number of expectations on you. But why wouldn’t he change it to like, Bobby, instead of Shammgod Wells? That seems pointless.

Nolan: Another fantastic name that came to mind recently was former outfielder Coco Crisp. He wasn’t anything special as a player, but man what a name.

Scott: Coco Crisp is definitely a great, underrated name that probably would never make our list, but I’m glad you brought him up. One other that I never mentioned was Hakeem Olajuwon. An all-time great name as well.

Some up and coming names that we should consider as well: Zion Williamson (names with Z are just awesome) and Mo Bamba. Not a great player or anything close to it yet, but a massive rap hit was made with his name as essentially the other coherent part of the song.

Nolan: Zion is absolutely on that list – he’s already a one-name guy. I’d add Saquon Barkley, De’Aaron Fox, Luka Doncic, Baker Mayfield, Mookie Betts (a little old but awesome name, nonetheless) and Alabama’s Tua Tagovailoa to that list as well.

I googled “Mo Bamba” and the song comes up before the basketball player. I was stunned; the guy was literally was the sixth overall pick less than nine months ago. I probably shouldn’t be so surprised because obviously a music hit is more going to be more popular than a below average NBA rookie. The only reason the song blew up is because Bamba’s friend made it, too – which is hilarious and kind of sad.

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Scott: Ok, so now that we have had some of our preliminary discussion give me your top 10 sports names of all time. Give a brief argument in favor of each one and I’ll bounce off that.

Nolan: This was way more difficult than I thought it would be. In no particular order:

1. LeBron James: I mean, it has to be. It’s got everything: 2-1 syllable structure, iconic first name, great player. Not to mention the nicknames it has made possible like King James, LeGoat, etc.
2. Babe Ruth: Arguably the greatest baseball player ever and one of the best names ever. An iconic first name and I like the symmetry of two, four-letter, one-syllable names.
3. Norm Duke: Stormin’ Norman – he’s got the third most titles in PBA history and the aforementioned crowd cheer. It follows the same structure as Babe Ruth, too.
4. Shaquille O’Neal: It rhymes, it’s iconic, he’s perhaps the most recognizable athlete ever, he’s better than Kobe, he breaks backboards – yeah, this is a no-brainer.
5. Muhammad Ali: He’s simply the greatest. Even his birth name, Cassius Clay, would have an argument to make this list if he had kept it.
6. Tiger Woods: When you absolutely dominate a sport for as long as he did, and your name is Tiger, you make this list.
7. Dick Butkus: I don’t think I can phrase it any better than you did earlier: “equal parts intimidating and hilarious”.
8. Yogi Berra: Hall-of-Fame baseball player with a unique, yet quirky and amusing name.
9. Colt McCoy: Is there a more perfect name for the quarterback of the Texas Longhorns than Colt McCoy? Sure his career didn’t match the others on this list, but I’m making an exception. This is my personal favorite name of all-time.
10. Zion Williamson/Saquon Barkley: I wanted to highlight both of these young players. They are both truly “once in a generation” type athletes with incredibly unique first names. In a few years, I believe both will have the career resumes to deserve spots on this list.

I left out a couple big ones (ex. Joe Montana, Wayne Gretzky). I figured you would include a few of these and I wanted to include a few players from my generation.

Scott: Ok, so several of these names crack my own personal top 10. In no particular order here is mine:

1. LeBron James: It’s almost a perfect athlete name. Everything about him was leading towards greatness.
2. Babe Ruth: Maybe the greatest name in all of sports. Honestly, if I had to choose I think this would be my choice.
3. Shaquille O’Neal: Another perfect name. I also love the dig at Kobe, who is one of the most vile athletes of the last 50 years in my humble opinion.
4. Muhammad Ali: He’s a rare example of a guy that had not one but two great names. Either way, he had an awesome name. Well done by him.
5. Tiger Woods: Again, this is perfect. The way he played during his prime was somehow symbolized by the predatory cat that he shares a name. Solitary, mysterious, ruthless and terrifying. It’s perfect.
6. Dick Butkus: There are way too many jokes to be made about his name, but I bet nobody dared to make those jokes.
7. Joe Montana: I’m trying to think of any other states that would make cool last or first names. Tennessee Williams was a playwright, which seems appropriate for that trade for some reason. California could be a cool last name for a rock star maybe. Georgia and Nevada could be first names I suppose. I honestly think Montana is the best possible option.
8. Michael Jordan: I know this seems like a boring selection but bear with me. There was nothing, and I mean nothing, like the butterflies that would go down your spine when MJ was announced before home games in Chicago. It’s iconic. I’ll never forget the way it sounded and felt. For that reason, it cracks my top 10.
9. Dale Earnhardt: I’m not a Nascar fan, but I’ve always felt that was the most perfect Nascar name possible, which has to me something. Honestly, I think I’m just trying to be contrary by adding this one in, but screw it.
10. Chris Moneymaker: Speaking of perfect names, how could this not make the list? A poker player named Moneymaker. Count me in. An argument can and should be made that poker isn’t a sport since it requires literally zero physical exertion, but ESPN shows it so I’m counting it.

No Gretzky for me. I know that seems crazy and I’ll probably regret that. Honestly, you could probably make an entire list of just hockey players, who regularly have awesome names.

Nolan: I’m with you on nine of these. I really enjoyed the contrarian Earnhardt and Moneymaker selections. The one I would disagree on is Jordan, but that’s just a generational gap thing. Also, you tragically left out the most iconic state name of all time: Hannah Montana.

Scott: That’s a fair point about Jordan. It hurts my soul that I’m now officially an old man screaming to the younger generation about how great Jordan was and that nobody could ever possibly surpass him. I’m officially the old man screaming at cloud meme, I guess. For the sake of our argument, I’ll remove him, but he will forever be a part of my own personal best names in sports history list.

Nolan: This entire discussion is subjective, so it’s perfectly reasonable to disagree on some of these. The back and forth debate is what makes this topic worthy of an entire conversations. Overall, I’m sure we missed a few of the fun, obscure names, but I think we hit on the truly great ones.

Scott: I think we did just about cover everything. We had a good representation of sports and my own personal list would maybe change on a week-to-week basis, but I’m happy with what we settled on. My biggest personal regret will likely be Wayne Gretzky, but alas, we did the best we could.

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