On Saturday morning, I woke up at 3:45 a.m. to drive five-plus hours from Syracuse to Long Island to watch a college bowling tournament. My sister bowls for Stephen F. Austin, a school in Texas, so this may have been my only chance to see her bowl this year.
But there’s another reason I sacrificed my weekend and relinquished precious gas money:
Because college bowling is the best.
Though I arrived right as competition started on Saturday, I didn’t — or, couldn’t — see much of the action. Sitting down is not an acceptable practice at college bowling tournaments, which means nobody shorter than 6’3” can see over the tops of the athletes’ and coaches’ heads.
My dad forgot our not-so-secret weapon, a pair of step ladders, in North Carolina, so we suffered through the day straining our necks and stretching our calves. But this wasn’t my dad’s first rodeo and, much like Farmers Insurance, he knows a thing or two because he’s seen a thing or two.
When Saturday’s bowling completed, he set out for Home Depot and bought a pair of oversized step ladders, only to return them after competition on Sunday. Parents turned hardware stores into rental facilities.
Because college bowling is the best.
From a few minutes before practice begins, to the moments following the final shot of the day, there is one consistent presence. At every single waking moment, at least one team and their fans, somewhere across the bowling alley are cheering, chanting, encouraging, and laughing. No awkward silences allowed.
NCAA teams relish the opportunity to create personalized cheers for each player. When my sister strikes, her team screams “I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY” because she loves The Office more than anyone on the planet. UAB shouts “LeBrooooooon Jamie!” when Jamie Krasnigor strikes, for obvious reasons.
Some teams shout — sometimes coordinated, often spontaneous — indecipherable nonsense. Those ones drive parents crazy because they feel compelled to know every detail of their child’s life. Those are also some of the best, arising from a hilarious and demented inside joke.
Some teams synchronize chants, which oscillate between endearing and annoying several times over the course of a weekend, like the I Would Walk 500 Miles bit on How I Met Your Mother.
Whenever a Vanderbilt player strikes, they yell “black!” and the rest of the team replies “gold!”. Most teams have a similar cheer related to their university, but Vandy takes it to the next level.
The player who struck has to yell “black!” once for every consecutive strike and Vanderbilt is arguably the best team in the country — they strike a lot. They yell “black” so often they have a designated counter in the huddle.
Angelica Anthony shot a 300 game on Saturday, which means she had to yell “black!” 78 times and 33 times in the tenth frame alone.
Vanderbilt’s anchor bowler, no pun intended, on most days is Mabel Cummins, one of the most talented players in the country. Her voice gets very high pitched during intense moments, so let’s just say when she delivers a key strike in the tenth frame — perhaps the team’s fourth or fifth or tenth in a row — everyone in the alley knows.
The best player in the NCAA draws almost as many spectators to watch her bowl, as hear her cheer.
Because college bowling is the best.
The staple of any event with bored parents in the crowd: Raffles. Some poor teenager patrols the concourse for hours, pestering spectators to throw in a few bucks for a charitable cause. This weekend’s tournament honored the Dezy Strong Foundation, who received half of all proceeds.
Some teams donate a bowling ball to raffle off, which grabs the kids in the crowd’s attention. But the main attraction remains the 50/50 raffle.
Two spectators enjoyed the competitiveness of the 50/50 raffle more than anyone I’d ever seen. They developed their own contest to see who could purchase the most tickets, each outbidding the other in increments of up to $40. When collecting ended on Sunday, each man poured in over $240.
The parent nearest me won the raffle, and after making sure his friendly foe knew he had won, donated all his winnings back to the charity. He did the same on Saturday.
Not only did he contribute hundreds of his own dollars to the raffle — as well as supplying authentic New York bagels for hungry fans in the crowd — he gifted over $800 in winnings to charity.
Because college bowling is the best.
The ancillary events at a college bowling tournament surpass the action on the lanes. Winning matters, but creating lifelong memories matters more (says the former student-athlete who did not win anything of significance).
At times, I question if I made the right decision to forgo my final year of eligibility. Don’t get me wrong: I love Syracuse. But some days, I’d rather go to a mediocre school in YeeWhoHoller, USA, travel in a cramped van for eight hours, and wake up at 5 a.m. every weekend.
Because college bowling is the best.